Sunday, February 17, 2013

Monday, May 28, 2012

I am numb.

How odd that is.

Are we the same, no, I hardly think so.

Have you ever felt shame over tears?

The lies have crushed my spirit.
Your connection to them made it hard to bear.

I can no longer feel you.
I am numb, how odd is that?

Thursday, April 12, 2012


"Hello angel" is what he always says...or is he you? You know the only reason I don't write to you is because of the frustration.
At least I've realised this. Somehow it makes it easier.

I was going to let you drag me into your mucky place (remembers some of your words) and begin with it...but hell, I'm not here to validate your idea of "what's right and what's wrong".

 Let's clarify, yet again...I don't mind what you think of me. I wouldn't say those trite words "I don't care" because I do care, but I know that you will believe whatever I do...not everyone gets that message.

 04-12-12 - Do you really think I think you're mad? I look into your eyes and I grin...of course I do...but you do too ;))

 Okay, enough silliness.

 "The way the sunlight fills the room" I wrote it twenty-five years ago and it has taken me this many years to learn; the light is love. So yeah, no matter how intangible it all might seem, at any given moment, the love can be seen in the light. The secret is to be open to it. I'm not sure I ever imagined I could speak of the spirit of love in something like this. A miracle in the smallest imaginings. But can I feel its warmth? that truly is the question. You can, that's a given. I used to be able to feel it; I think.

 "Where angels fear to tread" *sighs*

 Perhaps I don't need to feel it. Just like yin and yang, two sides of a coin...his and hers; perhaps I could only see it until now? (You see it is at this exact moment when I try to speak of melting ice that I seize up.)

....yes, to be continued

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


I removed this post after I wrote it a while ago...
It's been nearly a year...I've found my voice a hundred times, and for each time I have, it's gone again.

And then there was you...I have only to look at you and the tears fill my eyes. You keep telling me how it can't work and I keep imagining you not being real.

All of this was only ever supposed to be a love letter you know; the one I write in my head and never on paper?

And I would tell you that you touched me so deeply it would take my breath away. And I don't know how to let you go, but I will. But I'd rather just imagine you close, soft and quiet drowning in each other's eyes..I could write a thousand words, but all I feel is one.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

the Butterfly drifts

The butterfly travels over soft, breezes, seemingly like a feather, it will float up, then fall softly sideways. I never could quite decide if I was the butterfly or the feather. Was I waiting for you to find me nestled along a branched leaf; tucked between long grasses in a field, or the one that landed next to you, suddenly, by what was, not chance?

You were hiding. I knew it, felt it, saw it, breathed it...and accepted it. None of that mattered, none of it does. If anyone ever asks me how long it takes to find the one you seek I will answer them quite knowledgeably and respond with the following. "It takes but a mere moment, for the butterfly to land."

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

~Untitled, shy Girl~

It is in the beauty of the moment that somehow, in some unfathomable way, I see you and feel you. And yes, when I looked to you today it was at first glance with such a pleasure, it is your eyes, and they pull me in. Never have I known or seen such beauty and love captured in a glance. My head dipped softly as my eyes followed, the shyness paired.

Your hair has been white grayed now for a few years, just that appearance at your temples; I’ve enjoyed it for a long time. The gentle crinkles that begin to touch your eyes have softened my sense of being so in awe of you as a young woman, becoming easier to imagine being positioned at your feet.

When reality and fantasy come crashing together do they explode like light bursts from a flash or merge like the gentle wave as it touches the sandy shore...hmm, slowly, softly, the ebb and flow.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Love of Your Fate

At a certain moment in Nietzsche's life,the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.
' Whatever your fate is, whatever the heck happens, you say,
'This is what I need.'
It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge.
If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will find the strength is there.
Any disaster that you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life.
What a privilege!
This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures
followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true.
Nothing can happen to you that is not positive.
Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not.
Joseph Campbell